I attended my high school class reunion a couple of years ago with two of my best friends. We grew up together and our friendships’ go back to grade school days—a special gift. Each of us chose different educational paths: one became a psychologist, one a bible study leader and I, a former nurse, turned etiquette consultant.
When we arrived at the party and people asked what we were all doing these days we laughed as people looked a little intimidated. I am not sure if they thought the psychologist was going to analyze them, the bible study leader was going to hear their confession or I was going to judge them on their manners. Of course, none of that was the case, but it was hard to miss the initial reactions people had toward our particular professions.
As an etiquette consultant, there are times when I feel like I can clear a table when I tell people what I do for a living. For some reason, people become self-conscious about their manners and social skills when they first meet me. Some even feel the need to apologize for their lack of knowledge.
However, I was not born an etiquette expert. I grew up in, and still live in, the Midwest with middle-class parents. There was no silver spoon, but I was taught to be respectful to all and well mannered at the table. Also, I attended Catholic schools and was taught by good sisters at a time when discipline was emphasized and enforced in schools.
I don’t always look like an etiquette consultant or eat at a table set for multiple courses. I get down and dirty when I work in my yard and even stand and eat over the sink when I’m in a hurry. I love my sweats and put my feet on my coffee table. However, I do know it is important to suit up for a business event and send handwritten thank you notes. I feel comfortable at a seven-course meal or entertaining high-ranking guests. That comfort level has come with years of learning what is required for each situation.
I am often asked why I went into the etiquette business and my answer is simple: I think being well mannered is as important as it is powerful. As the world gets crazier, less civilized, more technically linked and less personally linked, good manners can become a real mark of distinction.
So many people put the emphasis of good manners on the fork. It is not just about the fork! It’s about consideration for others. When that becomes your motivation for what you do you will probably always be perceived in a favorable way by those around you. Keep in mind that there are several levels of manners. I like to break in down to three levels:
• Very formal situations
• Business situations
• Personal or family situations
All require being considerate of others, but you probably will not be having a seven-course dinner on Friday night while watching a movie with your family. The important thing is to know what level is needed when and where.
Do people have an unusual response to your profession? I’d love to hear about it.
Etiquette consultants…what do you tell people you do for a living?
