While out for dinner recently with friends, our young (young enough to be my son) male waiter addressed me as “darlin”, in what I perceived to be, a patronizing tone. To say the least, I was offended and felt he was very inappropriate and poorly trained… at home and at work.
I often hear these patronizing terms used to address older people (older than I) by health care workers and people working in the service industry. I suspect it is an attempt to be endearing toward seniors, but I think it has the opposite effect. Just because your hair has gone grey, does not mean you deserve less respect. In fact, quite the contrary. Save those terms of endearment for your children, spouses or the significant others in your life.
Our world today, is much less formal than in years past. However, that does not mean that we abandon all rules of propriety. There are still times that it is appropriate to err on the side of formality. In fact, when in doubt, do just that.
The old maxim, “age and rank has its privileges” can be your guide. Even though, we call most of our contemporaries and co workers by their first names, there are times when we should address someone in a formal fashion using an “honorific”…Ms., Mr., etc. Doing this with high ranking individuals and elder people shows respect. If they want you to call them by their first name they will invite you to do so.
Teaching your children to call adults by their last names using the appropriate “honorific”, teaches them respect for authority and demonstrates that they were well trained at home. Growing old enough to call adults by their first name is a right of passage and that right should be earned.
I welcome your thoughts on this issue…
The book; “Honor & Respect… The Official Guide to Names, Titles, & Forms of Address” by Robert Hickey is a great reference book to have in any library.
I am raising my children to address my friends by their "honorific" title and last name; however, several of my friends insist that my children call them by their first name only, or by Mr. John, Ms. Becca, etc… Is is most appropriate to honor my friends' requests, or to stand my ground and insist that the children use last names only?
Thank you for your comment…Many adults, today, do not feel it necessary to have children address them formally. However, it is important to respect the wishes of parents. Adressing adults as Mr.John or Ms. Becca can be a respectful compromise if you are comfortable with it.
I'm with you, Karen! People complain about the lack of respect on the part of young people for adults. We adults cannot present ourselves as "buddies" and expect to be treated as elders. Also, when people refer to each other by their first names it creates a certain familiarity; in the interest of safety, a child should be used to referring to adults who are not family friends by an honorific. I have used Ms. Janet as a compromise.
Thank you, Janet for your valuable remarks.