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Karen Hickman specializes in Etiquette and Protocol Consulting and is based out of Fort Wayne, IN | TEL: 260-486-7758

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You are here: Home / Archives for procourtesy

A Tribute to My Dad

June 12, 2015 by procourtesy

IMG_0014
A Tribute to Matthew Joseph Vorich
August 18, 1917-June 1, 2015

from his daughters

Matthew “Mutt” Joseph Vorich was one of the eleven children born to Croatian immigrant parents; Magdelena Tandavic Vorich and Frank Vorich. He was born in Markle, Indiana in 1917 and raised in Fort Wayne, Indiana. He attended St. Peter’s Catholic Grade School and Central High School.
He lived in one of the old ethnic neighborhoods in Fort Wayne and he used to tell us they all had those funny endings to their last names. The neighborhood was full of people with Macedonian, Polish, Croatian and other Slavic heritages. Some of those people remained life long friends to our dad. And by the way, the nickname “Mutt” came from some of the neighborhood kids who couldn’t pronounce Matthew or the name my grandmother called him, so it came out, “Mutt” and it stuck. We used to chuckle when we’d tell people our dad’s name. They were often taken aback by someone being called “Mutt.”
Our dad was not a captain of industry, a great scholar or famous to anyone else outside of his community and family, but he was certainly special to those who knew him. He was honest, smart, hard working with personal integrity. Our mother has said that he may have had many jobs before he settled at Dana, but he was never a day without work. He had many friends and kept them all through his life. He was best man to those friends more times than we can count and was godfather to many nieces and nephews. He had a tremendous sense of humor delivered with a twinkle in his eye. He was modest and never showed off.
He was a sports enthusiast having belonged to the old Fort Wayne Rangers Athletic Club. The men in that club and their wives, later in life, became the couples Euchre Club group that met monthly for over 50 years and was a big part of our parents social life. Card playing was one their favorite recreational past times (and they were good at it). They played everything from Bridge to Pinnacle. And I remember many Sunday afternoons when we gathered with aunts, uncles and cousins and the men played poker and drank a little beer.
After high school, our dad worked in various jobs until he joined the U.S. Navy. As a Sea-bee, he served in the South Pacific during WW II. After he left the Philippines, because of his experience and work in the Fort Wayne Bass Foundry before the war, he was sent to Guam for special projects as the war was ending. His experience with pouring concrete for air strips during the war also came in handy when friends and neighbors needed some concrete work done. He also built many of the roads in Fort Wayne after the war. Our dad was a guy who got his hands dirty. And was for sure, part of the “Greatest Generation.”
After the war, he met our mother, Susan Churchward, who also came from a family of eleven kids. They married in 1947 and had three girls; Virginia, “Ginna”, Barbara and Karen. We were three in three years. Our dad used to take a lot of teasing about being the only man in our house, but it did assure him of getting the one bathroom, all to himself.
We lived in a pretty typical modest 1950’s neighborhood growing up. It was a double city block, (Kenwood Avenue) with 75 kids on it. When the popsicle boy came in the summer it looked like the pied piper coming down the street. Most of the mothers were stay at home moms, there was one car in the family and if the mother needed the car during the day, everyone got up to take dad to work and then pick him up later. It was a time we played hop scotch on the sidewalk, sat in pj’s.’s on the front “stoop” after our evening baths and lay on blankets in the front yard identifying the “Big Dipper” along with catching ‘lightening” bugs in jars.
Everybody’s mom watched out for everyone else’s kids. And those neighborhood friends and their children have been life long friends to my parents and to us. When we later moved to the suburbs, many of them followed to our new neighborhood.
The moms raised the kids and the dads worked. That was pretty typical of their generation. My dad wasn’t any different. If we’d ask him for something, his usual response was, “ask your mother.” However, if he did lay down the law, it was usually final. During our teen years our house was always a meeting place for our friends. In spite of my dad’s quiet pleasant demeanor, he could put on a pretty serious face scaring some of the guys that came to our house, half to death. He was a pretty serious boss at Dana too, but people who worked for him, respected him.
Our dad never liked to talk on the telephone. If he could punt that job to someone else, he did. While growing up our phone could ring and ring and he would rarely answer it. He always said, “with three teenagers in the house, he was sure the call was not for him.” And he was usually right.
Our dad’s final job was at Dana Corporation where he worked his way up into supervision. He retired from Dana in 1981 after working there for 31 years. In his retirement he took up golf again, with 3 holes-in-one to his credit. He also enjoyed the activities of his grand kids and great grand kids. And was proud of keeping a good looking yard.
Our dad was always a baby and kid magnet. He could soothe and put babies to sleep when no one else could and he could get them to laugh hysterically. However, he never changed a diaper…he drew the line there. Babies and kids just knew he was a good guy and loved him.
Our parents had a long retirement filled with travel, golf, kids, grand kids and great grand kids and friends. The night before our dad died he had his usual Canadian Club Manhattan and played Gin Rummy with our mother. The next day he just slipped away peacefully, at home. He and our mother were married 68 years and he was two months shy of his 98th birthday. He never lost his sense of humor and was still mentally sharp. We can’t imagine that it can get any better than that. It was a life well lived.
How fortunate and blessed we feel that we were raised by two people who loved each other, offered tremendous security, in a home environment that was welcoming and comfortable. We have learned so many good life lessons by watching the way they lived their lives, together. And their 6 grand kids and 12 great grand kids have too.
Our dad’s greatest legacy will be the family he leaves behind. One that will always love him and remember him with full hearts. The wonderful memories we have of him will become our comfort and give us joy. RIP, Dad.

Lovingly, your girls,IMG_0018
Ginna, Barb & KarenIMG_0016

Filed Under: A tribute to my dad Tagged With: A father's tribute, etiquette expert, Karen Hickman, Matthew Vorich, Tribute

House Guest Etiquette

May 18, 2015 by procourtesy

Welcome home doormat with close door

Summer is upon us and it’s a time that many of us travel to see relatives or are invited to be guests at friend’s vacation homes. Having house guests can be a fun and wonderful experience. However, there are those guests who try the hosts’ patience and leave them feeling as if they never want them to come back. If those guests happen to be family members, a return visit is likely and something the host will not look forward to.

So, if you happen to be a guest, even a family guest, here are some guidelines that will help you be a considerate and perfect house guest:

*Arrive on the appointed date. Don’t arrive earlier or stay later than the dates agreed upon. And don’t bring any extra people with you.

*Bring a small hostess gift. A gift of food, wine or something that can be used during your stay or be saved after you have gone is considerate. If your stay is lengthy, offer to take your hosts out to dinner at some point during your visit.

*Be prepared to leave your pets at home. Asking to bring pets can cause a lot of confusion and extra stress for the host. If they do insist and say it’s okay, then feel free to bring Fido along.

*Don’t expect to be waited on. Your hosts are not your servants and you should be prepared to help out by making your bed daily, keeping your clothes and personal items together and out of the way and leaving the bathroom picked up.

*Do offer to help in the kitchen with food prep and cleaning up. Your host may decline your offer, but your willingness to help will not go unnoticed.

*Ask about the schedule of events during your stay. If there are outings or sporting events planned be sure to be prepared with the expected attire so you will be appropriately dressed.

*Allow for some down time. Don’t expect to be entertained every minute of every day by your host. Finding time to do some things on your own can be a welcome respite for your host.

*Follow the house rules. If the host retires at a certain time, consider retreating to your room instead of staying up all night watching TV. And don’t expect to sleep until noon when the rest of the house is up early and ready to go for the day.

*Bring a robe. You may have to share a bathroom that is down the hall. And if acceptable, you may want to wear one at breakfast. However, if everyone else is dressed at the table, I recommend dressing for breakfast.

*Don’t make unreasonable dietary demands. If you have special dietary needs, be prepared to bring some of your own food or pick another time to visit.

*Be prepared to strip your bed and gather dirty towels the day you leave. Some hosts may not want you to bother, but offering is appreciated.

*Do send a handwritten thank you note after your visit.

Filed Under: House Guest Etiquette Tagged With: etiquette expert, House guest etiquette, Karen Hickman, perfect house guest, Professional Courtesy, visiting relatives

Visiting New Mothers and Baby Etiquette

May 5, 2015 by procourtesy

Shiny background with Princess crown on pink pillow

Visiting New Mothers and Baby Etiquette

With the recent birth of the new Princess Charlotte Elizabeth Diana, the world is focused on babies… and rightfully so. But it’s also a time to brush up on visiting new mothers and baby etiquette.

Who can resist a baby? They make us smile and seem to bring a sense of hope for the future and they complete the circle of life within a family. I can still remember what a special time it was when my own daughter was born, nearly forty years ago. And that sense of hope and joy for me, was repeated when my granddaughter was born. But with new babies come a lot of changes in a family’s life. If it is the first child, life as you knew it, before the birth, will never be the same. However, the trade off is worth it.

As a former nurse and at the time I delivered my daughter I have seen the once rigid rules for visitation in the labor and delivery room and postpartum, greatly relaxed. Father’s weren’t even allowed in the delivery room when I first started in nursing. And no one was allowed on the floor to visit mothers if the babies were out of the nursery with the mothers.

In some ways those changes are good… fathers are now active participants in the whole birthing process. And many grandparents are present as well as siblings. Videos of the birth are made of the process that was once veiled in secrecy. These videos are now available for the world to see. However, the down side is, seemingly anyone, whether you want them or not, can pop in while you are busy working to deliver that baby or appear shortly after the birth with half the neighborhood in tow.

Mothers are kept such a short time in the hospital these days that it may be better to make a visit to see that new baby after everyone is home and settled for a few days. New babies require a lot of work and sometimes parents feel like they will never get back into a normal routine again. In short, parents are tired. And entertaining is not at the top of their list.

So, before you make the visit to see that new bundle of joy consider a few things first…

Call and see when would be a good time to make a visit. Don’t show up unannounced, make sure your visit is brief, you don’t come empty handed or expect to be waited on or entertained.

Make sure you are well and everyone with you is well before visiting. When you arrive, don’t pick up the baby unless you have been invited to do so and be sure to wash your hands first, if you have been invited to hold the baby.

Don’t offer your advice to the mother on how things should be done. Especially, if it has been a long time since you have delivered a baby. You’d be surprised how things have changed. And if the mother does ask for advice, be careful not to offer too much. That’s what the Pediatricians are for.

Don’t try to one up the mother’s labor and delivery experience with details of your own. Everyone’s experience is different and most people don’t want to hear the details of your delivery or share the details of theirs, anyway. That’s called too much information!

Don’t criticize the name regardless, of what it is. Be gracious with your response to it. Naming your children is a very personal decision. And the name parents choose is usually one they love. So, to make curt remarks or disapproving facial expressions is an insult to the parents.

Do be respectful if the mother is breast feeding. Ask if she would like you to leave the room if it is feeding time. Also, in spite of the fact that women are more relaxed these days with breast feeding in front of others, it is important for the mother to consider whether the visitors are comfortable being present for the feeding. Always ask if anyone minds if you feed the baby in front of them.

Do remember the big brother and sister with a small gift when gifting the new baby. Many siblings have a hard time adjusting to the new competition in their lives. And do make a fuss over them, too.

Your baby doesn’t have to be a royal to be special. All babies are special.

Filed Under: New Baby Etiquette, Royal baby Tagged With: etiquette expert, It's a girl, Karen Hickman, New royal princess, Prince George, Princess Charlotte, Professional Courtesy, visiting baby etiquette, visiting new mother and baby etiquette

Teacher Appreciation Week

May 4, 2015 by procourtesy

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Teacher Appreciation Week
May 4th thru May 8th marks National Teacher Appreciation Week. A time for us to pause and be grateful for the hard work teachers do every day to educate our youngsters.
All of us can probably remember remarkable teachers in our lives. Those teachers who made a huge impact on us in one way or another. Some of what they did was something small, but it stuck with us and made us better people.

Many teachers will never know how they effected a student’s life, but that doesn’t mean they haven’t made a difference for many. I think it’s like that for many of the good things we do for others. We are never sure what the end result of our actions will be, but hopefully, we take comfort in the fact that we tried to make a difference.

Teaching these days seems to be harder than ever, for many reasons. One reason is the lack of support and respect from parents. And that lack of respect and support from parents trickles down to the children…a very sad commentary from my perspective since I have many teachers in my family. My daughter and son-in-law are teachers, along with, a niece and two nephews. I see first hand how hard their jobs are and how devoted to kids they are.

When I was a child in school, my parents insisted that we be respectful of all of our teachers. I am sure that my parents didn’t agree with everything that was done, but they never voiced that to us. They too, were very respectful of our teachers. So, today, when I see parents ranting and raving on social media about their kid’s teachers or openly criticizing them in front of their children I become sad.
Just think of the message this sends to the children.

So this week, take time to pause and honor your children’s teachers. They deserve it and they need it. Some ways to do that are:

Let your children’s teachers know you appreciate them and support them with an email or a note
Send them a small token gift like a gift card for a coffee at their favorite coffee place.
Take them lunch.
Praise them to your children.
Have your children make a thank you card for them.
Support their decisions.
Never, never, criticize them in front of your children.

So let’s hear it for the teachers, this week and every other week too.

Filed Under: Teacher Appreciation Week Tagged With: etiquette expert, honor teachers, Karen Hickman, National teacher Appreciation Week, Professional Courtesy, respecting teachers, Teacher appreciation week, teacher etiquette

Professional Dress Do’s & Don’ts

May 2, 2015 by procourtesy

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A big thank you to Certified Image Master, Marion Gellatly for being my guest blogger and for sharing her wisdom on fashion and professional do’s & don’ts for the office.

Fashion Do’s and Don’ts in the Workplace

By Marion Gellatly, AICI CIM, Powerful Presence

Have you ever felt confused about fashion choices in the workplace? You can usually point to something that isn’t appropriate while still having a hard time figuring out what the new standards are. The bottom line is that we all want to be respected and to show respect to others. By following a few simple dos and don’ts, you could quickly be demonstrating professional courtesy in the workplace.

Dos

1. Consider carefully what is or isn’t age appropriate for your work attire. Looking either too old or too young can be detrimental to your professional image. It’s safest to start with a larger dose of clothes in neutral colors in natural fibers with few details like ruffles, bows, buttons, or fringe. Be cautious however, as too much of a classic look can make you look old and stodgy.

2. Appropriate coverage is insurance that no one gets the wrong message at work. Commit to clothes that don’t show cleavage, don’t gap between buttons and aren’t too tight.

3. On the weekend you can throw on a shirt and jeans and go to your kid’s soccer or football game and blend in with the other parents. At work, it’s important to stand out as a professional. “Finishing” an outfit or looking “polished” is key. Add accessories (not noisy ones), wear shoes that aren’t scuffed, and be sure your nails and hair are groomed. Your work outfit isn’t put together until you’ve attended to these extra details.

4. Check the mirror once or twice before you leave the house in the morning. Checking yourself from every angle before you go out the door is a good idea. Consider installing good lighting in your closet and putting up a full-length mirror.

5. Wear enough makeup to have a polished look. Having a too-made-up face makes you look like you’re thinking more about what’s happening after five o’clock. Wearing no makeup is not professional either. Consider a minimum of powder foundation, a lip color and some eye definition with mascara, neutral eye shadows or brow pencils.

Don’ts

1. Your work outfits should generally not be the place where you express your strong creative side. But this doesn’t mean you need to look boring! Again, getting the right mix is most important.

2. Do you really want to take the chance that you’re looking way too casual? Think about your appearance. Do you look like you’re an asset to your company? Looking pulled together and well groomed sends positive messages. You may be ready to add a few pieces to your wardrobe that help you look like a leader.

3. Don’t wear accessories that can be distracting. Keep the noisy jewelry at home. Having fewer but distinctive accessory focal points is a great idea and will add to your professional image.

4. Shabby chic works as a furniture style but it’s not a good look in clothing. Oversized, rumpled clothes will take away your credibility. The antidote is well-fitting clothes in fabrics that don’t wrinkle easily. Examine the fit of your clothes. Are you in need of a good tailor?

5. Be sensitive to people who are allergic to fragrances. Allergies are becoming more prevalent. Strong cologne, perfume, deodorant or skin creams can throw people into coughing fits or worse. Go to work unscented.

Wouldn’t it be nice to completely stop thinking about what to wear to work? It would be great to know you’re looking your best while you’re doing your best.

If you’ve been thinking, wishing, hoping for someone to guide you in creating a professional image and style to reflect how extraordinary YOU are, sign up for a complimentary 30-minute session with Marion Gellatly of Powerful Presence at http://powerful-presence.com/get-started.html. Or, you can stay in touch with Marion by “liking” her page, www.Facebook.com/powerfulpresence.

Marion Gellatly, founder of Powerful Presence in 1991, is a Certified Image Master (one of only 12 in the world) who teaches the importance of image in communicating confidence and competence in today’s business world. She shows her clients how achieve their goals by developing a professional presence that communicates confidence in themselves and credibility with their colleagues and clients. Marion offers in-person or on-line workshops, and laser focuses her expertise with one-on-one private consulting. Powerful Presence programs are designed to suit you.

Filed Under: dress etiquette Tagged With: business etiquette, certified image master, Dress do's & don'ts, fashion do's & don'ts, Marion Gellatly, professional dress, workplace dress

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