Professional Courtesy, LLC

Karen Hickman specializes in Etiquette and Protocol Consulting and is based out of Fort Wayne, IN | TEL: 260-486-7758

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You are here: Home / Blog

Respectful Care of the Elder Patient

February 22, 2010 by procourtesy

In the past month I have had the opportunity to accompany my parents to physician appointments and be part of their health updates. Even though, I was invited into the room by them, I was in no way in charge. My parents are very capable of making their own decisions, but appreciate having one of their daughters present as moral support. And in the event that we will have to be part of their decision making process we will be apprised of their health status.

At one appointment, as the physician entered the room he greeted my parents first and directed all of his remarks to them. I was so appreciative of that courtesy. The fact that my parents are getting older does not mean they should be slighted in any way and be treated in a patronizing manner.

That was not the case when I was helping with another family member out of state a few weeks ago. I drove and accompanied my family member to see her husband in a Rehab facility during my week long stay and helped with the process of transitioning both of them to an assisted living facility. During this time I found people directing the conversations to me and essentially ignoring my family members. At one point my in-law scolded the nurse and said, “you look at me…I am the one who will be living here, not her.” I thought that the nurse deserved that rebuke and hopefully she will change her approach when dealing with older patients and their families.

Treating patients of all ages with respect is important, but it is especially important when dealing with older people. At a time when many of the changes in their lives are beyond their control, genuine respect can help make them feel valued and a part of the decision making. Even if there are memory issues with older people, that is not a good enough reason to ignore them or treat them in a condescending way.

Here are some tips for all health care workers in dealing with older patients:

  • Refrain from calling them “honey”or “dear” or other patronizing terms… it’s insulting.
  • Address patients formally…Mr., Mrs., Ms. until you have been invited to call them by their first name.
  • Make direct eye contact with the patient when speaking to them.
  • Be careful not to speak too loudly that everyone within a mile can hear you.
  • Maintain personal privacy, as much as possible, when doing procedures or assisting with personal care.

Remember, this older person had a life before their illness and was a contributing member of society in their job, as a spouse, parent and grandparent…that should always be honored.

Filed Under: elder care, healthcare manners, medical manners

Age, Rank, Respect

January 24, 2010 by procourtesy

While out for dinner recently with friends, our young (young enough to be my son) male waiter addressed me as “darlin”, in what I perceived to be, a patronizing tone. To say the least, I was offended and felt he was very inappropriate and poorly trained… at home and at work.

I often hear these patronizing terms used to address older people (older than I) by health care workers and people working in the service industry. I suspect it is an attempt to be endearing toward seniors, but I think it has the opposite effect. Just because your hair has gone grey, does not mean you deserve less respect. In fact, quite the contrary. Save those terms of endearment for your children, spouses or the significant others in your life.

Our world today, is much less formal than in years past. However, that does not mean that we abandon all rules of propriety. There are still times that it is appropriate to err on the side of formality. In fact, when in doubt, do just that.

The old maxim, “age and rank has its privileges” can be your guide. Even though, we call most of our contemporaries and co workers by their first names, there are times when we should address someone in a formal fashion using an “honorific”…Ms., Mr., etc. Doing this with high ranking individuals and elder people shows respect. If they want you to call them by their first name they will invite you to do so.

Teaching your children to call adults by their last names using the appropriate “honorific”, teaches them respect for authority and demonstrates that they were well trained at home. Growing old enough to call adults by their first name is a right of passage and that right should be earned.

I welcome your thoughts on this issue…

The book; “Honor & Respect… The Official Guide to Names, Titles, & Forms of Address” by Robert Hickey is a great reference book to have in any library.

Filed Under: formal titles, honorifics

Excuse Me, What Was The Question?

September 21, 2009 by procourtesy

Have you ever been stopped in your tracks by a rude question or remark? It seems most people have and those people have a great deal to say about those questions.

Recently, I partnered with friend and fellow protocol consultant, Suzanne Nourse, founder and owner of The Protocol School of Ottawa to put a survey together to find out what people felt were the rudest questions they had ever been asked. The survey was separated into categories to include venues like, dating, marriage, illness, death, money, being childless, adoption and more. The responses ranged from short and sweet to rants and raves.
We learned that pregnant women do not appreciate having their “tummy’s” touched by strangers. And asking a “newly” widowed person if they thought they would remarry is often felt to be a huge insult to the memory of their spouse.
Some questions should never be asked like, “how much money do you make?” or “why don’t you have any children?” Those very personal subjects are not the business of strangers or mere acquaintances and should be off limits unless you are very good friends. And even then, some of those questions are inappropriate.
If you are at a loss for words when asked some of these questions you might want to read Peggy Post’s book, “Excuse Me, But I Was Next” or Dr. P.M. Forni’s book, “The Civility Solution” to learn some clever and civilized ways to deal with rude people. Both books would be a valuable addition to any library.
Want to share your experience with rude inquisitors? Comment here. And to fill out the entire survey, email Suzanne Nourse at snourse@etiquetteottawa.com or me, Karen Hickman at karen.hickman@comcast.net and we will send you the survey.
Remember, diplomacy is an art. If in doubt about asking a question…don’t ask.

Filed Under: rude questions

Handshakes

September 18, 2009 by procourtesy

“To shake or not to shake;” that is the question. Now that we are into flu season it is important to be aware of how we transmit germs. And shaking hands is one of those ways. Refusing to shake hands can put you at risk for being perceived as an ungracious person. However, if you are acutely ill with something, those around you will thank you for not extending your hand. Offering a short explanation that you do not want to spread your germs will help let others know you have their best interest at heart. After all, that is the basis for good manners; consideration for others.

This is also the time to increase hand washing and the use of hand sanitizers. There are many on the market and they can be carried in a purse or pocket. Remembering to sneeze and cough into your elbow and not your hands can also help prevent the spread of unwanted germs. And if you are very sick…stay home!

Filed Under: To shake or not to shake

Essentials for Health Care

July 23, 2009 by procourtesy

 


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Essentials in Healthcare
It is no doubt the technical training of a physician or dentist is of utmost importance in his or her practice. The expertise of a knowledgeable professional allows for trust and loyalty from patients. And yet, many patients don’t develop that trust and loyalty, no matter how skilled the medical and dental care, because of the unprofessional treatment they’ve encountered on the way to the examination room. 
 
Too often, as practices continue to grow larger, compassion in medicine and dentistry is forfeited through lengthy holds when scheduling appointments, an unprofessional air in the office, impersonal first impressions, and overall insensitive actions from the office staff. And this has a measurable effect on patient relations: research show us that up to one-third of malpractice suits stem from bad behavior on the part of the doctor or staff. 
 
As a former nurse and longtime member of the Fort Wayne (Indiana) Medical Society-Alliance, I understand health care. And as a trained expert in etiquette and protocol, I understand the importance of professional courtesy. Marrying my experiences in medicine and etiquette, I’m able to effectively address the growing perception of unprofessional medical and dental practices and then provide teams the tools they need to create a distinguished and caring practice. 
 
Recently, I was able to partner with the Fort Wayne Medical Society-Alliance to provide the Fort Wayne Medical Society with what the Alliance titled “Compassion in Medicine,” a researched-based educational seminar and comprehensive training program. I had the opportunity to enlighten over 200 office staff, receptionists, administrators, nurses, clinicians, and office managers with my Professional Courtesy Essentials program. The staff members learned how to professionally apply communication skills, conflict management, technology etiquette, and the development of a positive cultural philosophy while participating in role-play scenarios to better understand and relate to the patients. Further, the Alliance used the seminar as a fundraiser and contributed $15,000 to community charities related to health care and health education.  
 
The partnership between my Professional Courtesy Essentials program, the medical society, and the alliance created the opportunity to meet the goals of continuing education; excellence in health care; and care for patients, their families, and the community. I would be delighted to share this valuable and important message with you and your alliance and community, while educating and encouraging what I am sure is already excellent medical and dental care from your local medical or dental association. Please feel free to contact me for more information about the program and the opportunity to increase the professionalism in medicine and patient satisfaction. 

Sincerely, 

Karen Hickman

Filed Under: medical manners Tagged With: communication skills, etiquette expert, Karen Hickman, medical etiquette, medical manners, Professional Courtesy

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Founded in 1999, the mission of Professional Courtesy and Karen Hickman is to present programs of the finest quality with the highest degree of professionalism.

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Business Email Etiquette                                                                                      The number of emails we all receive every day can be overwhelming, but they are a fact of life. Keeping that in mind, try to observe some of the basic email etiquette rules for emailing within the business world. Your email message may … Read More

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