My Guest Blogger, Rosalinda Randall…
em>I am so happy to have fellow etiquette consultant, Rosalind Randall as my guest blogger. She shares her advice on dealing with young adult children coming home from college and the challenges it presents on both sides. Her advice is practical and sprinkled with a sense of humor…something we all need when our kids come home after being away.
Thank you, Rosalinda, for sharing your expertise with my readers.
It’s Starts with the College Visit
Yesterday I ran into a mom, dad, and their daughter. They were leaving for the traditional college visit. While mom was rattling off the “did you remember to bring…” list. Dad, with keys in hand was rattling off the traffic situation, the need to gas up, and as calmly as possible, repeating, “Let’s go!”
This is the first step to the unanticipated changes that are inevitable once “Junior” leaves home; and returns.
Although it has been several years since our sons left for college, as I write this, my eyes are filled with tears. The pure sadness of watching our “babies” wave from their dorm room will stay with me forever, as will the joy of being a part of their journey into adulthood.
What does this have to do with etiquette? Respect, consideration, and tact, that’s what. And I don’t mean only from “Junior”.
It can be a difficult thing for a parent to take a step back from the “Because I said so!” and the “You should because…” mode. I’m not under any certain circumstances barring you from using them, only respectfully suggesting that you consider stopping it!
Now that “Junior” has had a taste of independence, experienced different points of view, perhaps forced to express and explain his/her viewpoints, communicated with professors, and has socially expanded his/her circle of friends, oh boy, they may have a whole new approach and outlook on a lot of things.
Don’t panic, Mom and Dad; it’ll be okay. Do more listening than debating.
How did you react when your parents wagged their finger in your face telling you that you were wrong? Hmm?
While I wholeheartedly believe in the, “my house, my rules” policy; I also believe that rules can be reevaluated?
Sometimes we are blinded by the joy and anticipation of “Junior” coming home from college; we tend to try to make things exactly like he used to like them, that we are blind-sided when he says, “Mom, I don’t eat cookies anymore…are these organic?” And you are left holding a plate of his favorite cookies wondering, “Who are you?”…what happened?
Here are a couple of tips from my book, “When Junior Comes Home from College”:
For Parents:
Tip 1: If Junior stays in one evening, don’t utter, “It’s about time.” Enjoy the time together.
Tip 2: Express interest in their latest fad. (I did not say “approve of.”)
For Junior:
Tip 1: Yes, you do have to adhere to the “house rules.” (It’s not your dorm room.) If you think your parents are too strict, discuss it.
Tip 2: No, you shouldn’t storm in and clear out all the 2% milk because you’ve discovered soy milk.
Mom and Dad, try a little tenderness, composure, and humor; it’ll help make this potentially tumultuous time into a mellow and joyful experience for both parents and young adults.
“When Junior Comes Home From College”. Now available on Amazon.com
Rosalinda Randall is a modern-day expert on tact and civility, using etiquette as a foundation. Based in Northern California, she has been spreading civility for over fifteen years.
Website: Your Relationship Edge
Facebook: Your Relationship Edge
Twitter: @rosalindatweets
Telephone: 650.871.6200
I can really relate to this post, Rosalinda. I remember so vividly taking our daughter to college and how it felt.
A fun post Rosalinda and Karen. It may be the catalyst for some Junior/Parents discussions.
Always appreciate your comments, Suzanne.