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Flags at Half-Staff Etiquette

December 5, 2018 by procourtesy

Flags at Half-Staff Etiquette

This week our country is mourning the loss of a former president, George Herbert Walker Bush, who died last Friday. When our leaders die we as a country, seem to come together well to remember their life and accomplishments. And it also gives us a chance to witness the pomp and circumstance that is afforded a president of the United States when they die.

President Trump declared an official day of mourning today, the day of the funeral in Washington and all flags are being flown at half-staff out of respect. Those flags will remain at half-staff for 30 days. Being honored with flags at half-staff is reserved for a select few and at times has been confusing as to who orders the gesture. So, I have reprinted my column from the News Sentinel from March of 2016 when I was asked about the protocol for flags being flown at half-staff for first ladies when they die.

Here is that column…

March 18, 2016
Flag at Half-Staff Etiquette

Q. Karen, I noted that American flags were at half-staff in honor of former first lady, Nancy Reagan when she died. Is this usual? I don’t remember it happening in the past for other first ladies. Who decides when flags are to be flown at half-staff ?

A. There is no set protocol for funerals and ceremonies when a first lady dies like there is when a former or sitting president dies. Funerals for former first ladies are usually private affairs. But President Obama ordered American flags be lowered to half-staff, out of respect to Mrs. Reagan, at federal buildings, military posts, U.S. Naval vessels and diplomatic missions until sunset the day of her burial.

The same was done for Lady Bird Johnson when she died in 2007, but it was not done when Betty Ford died in 2011 or for Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis in 1994 or Pat Nixon in 1993. However, there was a 30 day period of mourning at the White House for Mrs. Nixon and Mrs. Kennedy when they died.

The order or “proclamation” of flags being lowered to half-staff is done at a time when the entire country is in mourning, as when a former or sitting president dies or there has been a national tragedy like 9/11. It is also ordered at times for other officials or foreign dignitaries. The order comes from the President of the United States.

In the event of the death of a former or sitting official of any state or territory of the United States, the governor of that state can order flags to be flown at half-staff on federal and other government buildings in that state for a designated period of time.

For anyone else to order flags flown at half-staff is technically, a breach of flag etiquette. The strict rules and codes are designed to insure proper respect for our flag.

The period of time that flags fly at half-staff is usually anywhere from a 30 day period for presidents to 10 days for vice presidents. It depends on the status of the person or persons who died.

There are other days of the year when flags are flown at half-staff. For instance, Memorial Day…flags are ordered to be flown at half staff from sunrise to noon on that day every year, to honor war heroes. Also, September 11, which is now designated as “Patriot Day and National Day of Service and Remembrance.”

The flag should be raised briskly to the top of the staff before being lowered to half-staff.

For more information on the rules and regulations for flying the American flag you can go to many web sites that list the official codes.

Hosting First Lady Barbara Bush

April 17, 2018 by procourtesy

I am deeply saddened by the news about former first lady, Barbara Bush’s death. She was a force of nature and one of those first ladies, in my opinion, who had the ability to transcend party lines. Her commitment to reading and education led an organization that I was involved with to engage her as our key note speaker for our annual breakfast in 1999. At that time I was intimately involved in the planning and preparation for her visit. Little did I realize that that experience would lead me to what I do today.

During her two day stay in our city I realized there was time in her schedule that needed to be filled with some sort of entertainment or dinner. So, I, along with my late husband, sent a personal invitation to her inviting her to a small, intimate dinner that we hosted with the other people involved in our organization. Much to my surprise Mrs. Bush sent back a note saying she would be delighted to have dinner with my husband and me and our other guests.
What a thrill it was to receive her handwritten note on her Kennebunkport stationery accepting our invitation.

I learned a great deal during those days leading up to and during the days we spent hosting someone as distinguished as a First Lady. Mrs. Bush was gracious, down to earth, funny and so appreciative of our hospitality and interested in all of us. I remember saying to her that I was surprised that she accepted our invitation. She responded with, “Why Karen, if you never ask, the answer is always no.” She said one of the things she enjoyed the most was getting to know the people who were engaging her to speak. Besides that she said, “if you didn’t invite me to dinner I’d go back to my hotel room and order room service.”

Our dinner with Mrs. Bush will always be a bright spot in my memory. I learned that people of her great distinction really do pay attention to the small kindnesses. That was evident when my husband and I received her personal note of thanks for our hospitality. Her notes have become treasures for me.

You never know where life will take you. In my wildest dreams, I never thought I’d ever be hosting a First Lady of the United States for dinner…

Rest in Peace, Mrs. Bush. You left the world a better place for having been in it. You will be missed and how grateful I am that our paths crossed even if it was in a small way.

Illness Etiquette in Cold and Flu Season

January 8, 2018 by procourtesy

Illness Etiquette

Well, we are into cold and flu season and being around people who are acutely ill increases ones chances of catching their bug. So, practicing some “illness etiquette” could be helpful for everyone.

First, if you are sick, stay home from work or school until you know you aren’t infectious anymore. And do limit your exposure to others, especially babies and anyone who may be immune compromised due to an illness or medical treatment, like chemo therapy.

If you have a sick family member and are planning on guests coming over, the gracious thing to do would be to inform your guests and give them the option of not coming. If necessary, reschedule the event. To not inform them until they arrive can make it seem like they were bushwhacked.

Avoid shaking hands with people if you are acutely ill. Just let them know you aren’t shaking their hand because you don’t want to expose them to your germs. They will be grateful.

Do cough or sneeze into your elbow instead of your hands. This helps reduce the germs being spread to everything you touch.

Wash your hands frequently and well, especially before touching food or anything else that may go into your mouth. Simple hand washing can do a lot in preventing the spread of germs. A good habit to get into is to wash your hands immediately upon coming home from work, school or any other place in public.

Have hand sanitizer on hand when you can’t get to a sink to wash. Keep some packets in your desk at work, in your car, purse or any other handy place. And sanitize commonly touched surfaces at work and at home. Don’t forget your computer keys and cell phone.

Dispose of your soiled tissues yourself. Don’t leave them on a table in a restaurant or any other place where someone else is responsible for disposing of them.

Changing Physicians

June 6, 2017 by procourtesy

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Changing Physicians

If you have had to change physicians over the years, you know how distressing it can be. Especially if you have gone to the same physician for many years. Circumstances change when your physician retires, changes jobs or moves and you suddenly find yourself looking for a new physician or switching to the doctor who took over your previous care givers practice.

To transition to someone new needs some give and take on both sides. Staying open minded to someone else’s delivery of care will help make things go more smoothly. So, some things to keep in mind are:

Make an appointment as soon as you can to meet the new doctor. Meeting them before you get into a medical crisis can be beneficial.

At your first appointment be prepared with your your health history and list of medications.

Understand that a new physician may make changes in your medications. Every physician has their own way of doing things and lean to certain medications over others. And be prepared for some lab work to support the need of certain medications that you have been on for a long period of time.

Don’t expect refills on narcotic medications without seeing the physician first. The new physician will want to review why you are on those medications and confirm that you still need them.

Get to know the new office staff. Learning their names can be helpful when having to call the office for appointments or getting lab results.

If the office uses an automated answering system, ask for extension numbers for the nurse to get through the system faster.

If the new physician does some things differently from your previous doctor that shouldn’t be taken as a criticism of your former physician.

Be prepared to see a nurse practitioner or physician assistant at times. They help support the physician and can help ease a very busy schedule. They will know when to call the physician in for help.

Try to get to know the routine of the new physician’s office. Learning the best times to call the office. Find out when they stop answering the phones and who to talk to about lab results.

Most of all give the new doctor a chance. You might end up liking them as much as you liked your former physician

Communicating with Patients as an Introvert

November 18, 2016 by procourtesy

group of professional medical team closeup

Communication with Patients as an Introvert

Physicians and nurses come in all personality types. Some are out going, funny, charming and gregarious. Others are quieter and more measured in communicating with their patients. There is the type that likes to offer hugs and are very comfortable patting hands and putting a hand on the shoulder, but that doesn’t mean the ones who don’t do that can’t connect effectively with their patients.

Physicians and nurses should be genuine in what ever their communication style is. Their genuineness will come through to their patients.

Some of the most important things to keep in mind and demonstrate with patients are:

Empathy. Empathy allows us to connect to the feelings of the patient and understand what they are going through. It helps patients feel like they matter and are respected and valued. We all have the ability to show empathy toward others. It’s the mirror neurons firing in our brains that allow us to connect on an emotional level.

Body Language. Non verbal communication is powerful. It has been said that 50 to 80 per cent of what we are communicating comes from our body language. So, how you position yourself when involved with the patient speaks volumes.
Upon entering the patients exam room offer a handshake, make good eye contact and sit down. When sitting you are perceived to spend more time with the patient than if standing. And it puts you at their level. It also sends the message that you have time to listen to them.

Balance. When looking at the computer screen and charting make sure you balance looking at the screen with making good eye contact with the patient. A good trick is to look at the patient when asking a question and return to the computer to enter the data.

Listening. Be a good listener. Allow patients to talk without interruption before responding. Pausing before responding lets the patient know you are processing what they have said. It also allows you to formulate your response more effectively.
Lean in when listening and acknowledge what is being said by nodding. Validate verbally what is being said with phrases like; “I understand what you are saying” or paraphrasing back to the patient what has been said.

A quiet, steady approach can achieve a high level of connection too. And do keep in mind that too much touching and patting may be perceived as patronizing. Some of your patients will be the quiet steady type too, and don’t feel the need for hugging and patting. Another important reason to being attentive to each patients needs.

Flags at Half-Staff Etiquette

Hosting First Lady Barbara Bush

Illness Etiquette in Cold and Flu Season

Changing Physicians

Communicating with Patients as an Introvert

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