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Karen Hickman specializes in Etiquette and Protocol Consulting and is based out of Fort Wayne, IN | TEL: 260-486-7758

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You are here: Home / Archives for etiquette expert

Cell Phone Ring Tones

November 2, 2015 by procourtesy

Ring tone

We’ve all been there…we are in a quiet place like church or a meeting when our cell phone rings. You thought you had silenced it, but obviously you missed that step before going into the meeting. And it causes embarrassment for all of us. The best thing to do in that situation is apologize, if that is an option, or quickly silence or turn off your phone. But,something else to consider is the ring tone you have chosen and the notification sounds that alert you to a new message or text. Some of your choices can draw more attention to your phone going off than others, and be annoying to those around you.

Recently, I was getting a manicure and the manicurist’s phone kept “sneezing.” I asked what the sound was and she informed that it was her phone letting her know she had a text message. On top of the phone sneezing, she kept looking at her phone while doing my nails. To say the least, I didn’t feel like I was a priority.

Be sensitive to the sounds your phones make…those cell phone ring tones. To hear a “quack quack” sound from a nurse’s phone while caring for a sick patient or having your college fight song playing all three verses, for your ring tone will draw more attention to your phone going off anywhere, but especially in inappropriate places.
And for sure, it doesn’t sound professional.Take the time to think through your choices and where they will be heard.

Filed Under: Cell phone etiquette Tagged With: cell phone etiquette, cell phone ring tones, Cell phone rings, etiquette expert, Karen Hickman, Professional Courtesy, text message notification

Calling Friends in Hospital Etiquette

July 20, 2015 by procourtesy

Calling Friends in Hospital Etiquette

 

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Calling friends in hospital.

There is a natural inclination for many people to pick up the phone and call friends and loved ones in the hospital. They usually want to express their concern or gather information about the individuals status. However, those phone calls can be intrusive and disrupting to the person’s rest and recuperation.

Here are some things to consider before picking up the telephone to call someone who is in the hospital:

Check with a family member who knows the status of the patient to ask if they are up to speaking on the telephone. If someone is very ill or has had surgery they are often too uncomfortable or too groggy from medications to speak. And a ringing telephone can wake them from needed sleep.

Consider having a family member place a call at a convenient time, to you when that family member is in the room with the patient. That way you can speak to the patient on their terms.

Don’t call the nurse’s station for information unless you are listed on the patient’s chart as someone allowed to receive information. Collecting information otherwise is a violation of the patient privacy guidelines. And besides, nurses have enough to do without fielding questions from their patient’s friends.

Do keep calls brief and upbeat when speaking to someone who is the hospital. This isn’t the time to unload your personal problems or talk about distressing topics.

If you can’t speak with someone on the phone, do remember them with cards.

There is a natural inclination for many people to pick up the phone and call friends and loved ones in the hospital. They usually want to express their concern or gather information about the individuals status. However, those phone calls can be intrusive and disrupting to the person’s rest and recuperation.

Here are some things to consider before picking up the telephone to call someone who is in the hospital:

Check with a family member who knows the status of the patient to ask if they are up to speaking on the telephone. If someone is very ill or has had surgery they are often too uncomfortable or too groggy from medications to speak. And a ringing telephone can wake them from needed sleep.

Consider having a family member place a call at a convenient time, to you when that family member is in the room with the patient. That way you can speak to the patient on their terms.

Don’t call the nurse’s station for information unless you are listed on the patient’s chart as someone allowed to receive information. Collecting information otherwise is a violation of the patient privacy guidelines. And besides, nurses have enough to do without fielding questions from their patient’s friends.

Do keep calls brief and upbeat when speaking to someone who is the hospital. This isn’t the time to unload your personal problems or talk about distressing topics.

If you can’t speak with someone on the phone, do remember them with cards.

There is a natural inclination for many people to pick up the phone and call friends and loved ones in the hospital. They usually want to express their concern or gather information about the individuals status. However, those phone calls can be intrusive and disrupting to the person’s rest and recuperation.

Here are some things to consider before picking up the telephone to call someone who is in the hospital:

Check with a family member who knows the status of the patient to ask if they are up to speaking on the telephone. If someone is very ill or has had surgery they are often too uncomfortable or too groggy from medications to speak. And a ringing telephone can wake them from needed sleep.

Consider having a family member place a call at a convenient time, to you when that family member is in the room with the patient. That way you can speak to the patient on their terms.

Don’t call the nurse’s station for information unless you are listed on the patient’s chart as someone allowed to receive information. Collecting information otherwise is a violation of the patient privacy guidelines. And besides, nurses have enough to do without fielding questions from their patient’s friends.

Do keep calls brief and upbeat when speaking to someone who is the hospital. This isn’t the time to unload your personal problems or talk about distressing topics.

If you can’t speak with someone on the phone, do remember them with cards.

Filed Under: medical manners Tagged With: call people in hospital, etiquette expert, hospital etiquette, Karen Hickman, medical manners, visiting and calling sick friends

A Tribute to My Dad

June 12, 2015 by procourtesy

IMG_0014
A Tribute to Matthew Joseph Vorich
August 18, 1917-June 1, 2015

from his daughters

Matthew “Mutt” Joseph Vorich was one of the eleven children born to Croatian immigrant parents; Magdelena Tandavic Vorich and Frank Vorich. He was born in Markle, Indiana in 1917 and raised in Fort Wayne, Indiana. He attended St. Peter’s Catholic Grade School and Central High School.
He lived in one of the old ethnic neighborhoods in Fort Wayne and he used to tell us they all had those funny endings to their last names. The neighborhood was full of people with Macedonian, Polish, Croatian and other Slavic heritages. Some of those people remained life long friends to our dad. And by the way, the nickname “Mutt” came from some of the neighborhood kids who couldn’t pronounce Matthew or the name my grandmother called him, so it came out, “Mutt” and it stuck. We used to chuckle when we’d tell people our dad’s name. They were often taken aback by someone being called “Mutt.”
Our dad was not a captain of industry, a great scholar or famous to anyone else outside of his community and family, but he was certainly special to those who knew him. He was honest, smart, hard working with personal integrity. Our mother has said that he may have had many jobs before he settled at Dana, but he was never a day without work. He had many friends and kept them all through his life. He was best man to those friends more times than we can count and was godfather to many nieces and nephews. He had a tremendous sense of humor delivered with a twinkle in his eye. He was modest and never showed off.
He was a sports enthusiast having belonged to the old Fort Wayne Rangers Athletic Club. The men in that club and their wives, later in life, became the couples Euchre Club group that met monthly for over 50 years and was a big part of our parents social life. Card playing was one their favorite recreational past times (and they were good at it). They played everything from Bridge to Pinnacle. And I remember many Sunday afternoons when we gathered with aunts, uncles and cousins and the men played poker and drank a little beer.
After high school, our dad worked in various jobs until he joined the U.S. Navy. As a Sea-bee, he served in the South Pacific during WW II. After he left the Philippines, because of his experience and work in the Fort Wayne Bass Foundry before the war, he was sent to Guam for special projects as the war was ending. His experience with pouring concrete for air strips during the war also came in handy when friends and neighbors needed some concrete work done. He also built many of the roads in Fort Wayne after the war. Our dad was a guy who got his hands dirty. And was for sure, part of the “Greatest Generation.”
After the war, he met our mother, Susan Churchward, who also came from a family of eleven kids. They married in 1947 and had three girls; Virginia, “Ginna”, Barbara and Karen. We were three in three years. Our dad used to take a lot of teasing about being the only man in our house, but it did assure him of getting the one bathroom, all to himself.
We lived in a pretty typical modest 1950’s neighborhood growing up. It was a double city block, (Kenwood Avenue) with 75 kids on it. When the popsicle boy came in the summer it looked like the pied piper coming down the street. Most of the mothers were stay at home moms, there was one car in the family and if the mother needed the car during the day, everyone got up to take dad to work and then pick him up later. It was a time we played hop scotch on the sidewalk, sat in pj’s.’s on the front “stoop” after our evening baths and lay on blankets in the front yard identifying the “Big Dipper” along with catching ‘lightening” bugs in jars.
Everybody’s mom watched out for everyone else’s kids. And those neighborhood friends and their children have been life long friends to my parents and to us. When we later moved to the suburbs, many of them followed to our new neighborhood.
The moms raised the kids and the dads worked. That was pretty typical of their generation. My dad wasn’t any different. If we’d ask him for something, his usual response was, “ask your mother.” However, if he did lay down the law, it was usually final. During our teen years our house was always a meeting place for our friends. In spite of my dad’s quiet pleasant demeanor, he could put on a pretty serious face scaring some of the guys that came to our house, half to death. He was a pretty serious boss at Dana too, but people who worked for him, respected him.
Our dad never liked to talk on the telephone. If he could punt that job to someone else, he did. While growing up our phone could ring and ring and he would rarely answer it. He always said, “with three teenagers in the house, he was sure the call was not for him.” And he was usually right.
Our dad’s final job was at Dana Corporation where he worked his way up into supervision. He retired from Dana in 1981 after working there for 31 years. In his retirement he took up golf again, with 3 holes-in-one to his credit. He also enjoyed the activities of his grand kids and great grand kids. And was proud of keeping a good looking yard.
Our dad was always a baby and kid magnet. He could soothe and put babies to sleep when no one else could and he could get them to laugh hysterically. However, he never changed a diaper…he drew the line there. Babies and kids just knew he was a good guy and loved him.
Our parents had a long retirement filled with travel, golf, kids, grand kids and great grand kids and friends. The night before our dad died he had his usual Canadian Club Manhattan and played Gin Rummy with our mother. The next day he just slipped away peacefully, at home. He and our mother were married 68 years and he was two months shy of his 98th birthday. He never lost his sense of humor and was still mentally sharp. We can’t imagine that it can get any better than that. It was a life well lived.
How fortunate and blessed we feel that we were raised by two people who loved each other, offered tremendous security, in a home environment that was welcoming and comfortable. We have learned so many good life lessons by watching the way they lived their lives, together. And their 6 grand kids and 12 great grand kids have too.
Our dad’s greatest legacy will be the family he leaves behind. One that will always love him and remember him with full hearts. The wonderful memories we have of him will become our comfort and give us joy. RIP, Dad.

Lovingly, your girls,IMG_0018
Ginna, Barb & KarenIMG_0016

Filed Under: A tribute to my dad Tagged With: A father's tribute, etiquette expert, Karen Hickman, Matthew Vorich, Tribute

House Guest Etiquette

May 18, 2015 by procourtesy

Welcome home doormat with close door

Summer is upon us and it’s a time that many of us travel to see relatives or are invited to be guests at friend’s vacation homes. Having house guests can be a fun and wonderful experience. However, there are those guests who try the hosts’ patience and leave them feeling as if they never want them to come back. If those guests happen to be family members, a return visit is likely and something the host will not look forward to.

So, if you happen to be a guest, even a family guest, here are some guidelines that will help you be a considerate and perfect house guest:

*Arrive on the appointed date. Don’t arrive earlier or stay later than the dates agreed upon. And don’t bring any extra people with you.

*Bring a small hostess gift. A gift of food, wine or something that can be used during your stay or be saved after you have gone is considerate. If your stay is lengthy, offer to take your hosts out to dinner at some point during your visit.

*Be prepared to leave your pets at home. Asking to bring pets can cause a lot of confusion and extra stress for the host. If they do insist and say it’s okay, then feel free to bring Fido along.

*Don’t expect to be waited on. Your hosts are not your servants and you should be prepared to help out by making your bed daily, keeping your clothes and personal items together and out of the way and leaving the bathroom picked up.

*Do offer to help in the kitchen with food prep and cleaning up. Your host may decline your offer, but your willingness to help will not go unnoticed.

*Ask about the schedule of events during your stay. If there are outings or sporting events planned be sure to be prepared with the expected attire so you will be appropriately dressed.

*Allow for some down time. Don’t expect to be entertained every minute of every day by your host. Finding time to do some things on your own can be a welcome respite for your host.

*Follow the house rules. If the host retires at a certain time, consider retreating to your room instead of staying up all night watching TV. And don’t expect to sleep until noon when the rest of the house is up early and ready to go for the day.

*Bring a robe. You may have to share a bathroom that is down the hall. And if acceptable, you may want to wear one at breakfast. However, if everyone else is dressed at the table, I recommend dressing for breakfast.

*Don’t make unreasonable dietary demands. If you have special dietary needs, be prepared to bring some of your own food or pick another time to visit.

*Be prepared to strip your bed and gather dirty towels the day you leave. Some hosts may not want you to bother, but offering is appreciated.

*Do send a handwritten thank you note after your visit.

Filed Under: House Guest Etiquette Tagged With: etiquette expert, House guest etiquette, Karen Hickman, perfect house guest, Professional Courtesy, visiting relatives

Visiting New Mothers and Baby Etiquette

May 5, 2015 by procourtesy

Shiny background with Princess crown on pink pillow

Visiting New Mothers and Baby Etiquette

With the recent birth of the new Princess Charlotte Elizabeth Diana, the world is focused on babies… and rightfully so. But it’s also a time to brush up on visiting new mothers and baby etiquette.

Who can resist a baby? They make us smile and seem to bring a sense of hope for the future and they complete the circle of life within a family. I can still remember what a special time it was when my own daughter was born, nearly forty years ago. And that sense of hope and joy for me, was repeated when my granddaughter was born. But with new babies come a lot of changes in a family’s life. If it is the first child, life as you knew it, before the birth, will never be the same. However, the trade off is worth it.

As a former nurse and at the time I delivered my daughter I have seen the once rigid rules for visitation in the labor and delivery room and postpartum, greatly relaxed. Father’s weren’t even allowed in the delivery room when I first started in nursing. And no one was allowed on the floor to visit mothers if the babies were out of the nursery with the mothers.

In some ways those changes are good… fathers are now active participants in the whole birthing process. And many grandparents are present as well as siblings. Videos of the birth are made of the process that was once veiled in secrecy. These videos are now available for the world to see. However, the down side is, seemingly anyone, whether you want them or not, can pop in while you are busy working to deliver that baby or appear shortly after the birth with half the neighborhood in tow.

Mothers are kept such a short time in the hospital these days that it may be better to make a visit to see that new baby after everyone is home and settled for a few days. New babies require a lot of work and sometimes parents feel like they will never get back into a normal routine again. In short, parents are tired. And entertaining is not at the top of their list.

So, before you make the visit to see that new bundle of joy consider a few things first…

Call and see when would be a good time to make a visit. Don’t show up unannounced, make sure your visit is brief, you don’t come empty handed or expect to be waited on or entertained.

Make sure you are well and everyone with you is well before visiting. When you arrive, don’t pick up the baby unless you have been invited to do so and be sure to wash your hands first, if you have been invited to hold the baby.

Don’t offer your advice to the mother on how things should be done. Especially, if it has been a long time since you have delivered a baby. You’d be surprised how things have changed. And if the mother does ask for advice, be careful not to offer too much. That’s what the Pediatricians are for.

Don’t try to one up the mother’s labor and delivery experience with details of your own. Everyone’s experience is different and most people don’t want to hear the details of your delivery or share the details of theirs, anyway. That’s called too much information!

Don’t criticize the name regardless, of what it is. Be gracious with your response to it. Naming your children is a very personal decision. And the name parents choose is usually one they love. So, to make curt remarks or disapproving facial expressions is an insult to the parents.

Do be respectful if the mother is breast feeding. Ask if she would like you to leave the room if it is feeding time. Also, in spite of the fact that women are more relaxed these days with breast feeding in front of others, it is important for the mother to consider whether the visitors are comfortable being present for the feeding. Always ask if anyone minds if you feed the baby in front of them.

Do remember the big brother and sister with a small gift when gifting the new baby. Many siblings have a hard time adjusting to the new competition in their lives. And do make a fuss over them, too.

Your baby doesn’t have to be a royal to be special. All babies are special.

Filed Under: New Baby Etiquette, Royal baby Tagged With: etiquette expert, It's a girl, Karen Hickman, New royal princess, Prince George, Princess Charlotte, Professional Courtesy, visiting baby etiquette, visiting new mother and baby etiquette

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