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Karen Hickman specializes in Etiquette and Protocol Consulting and is based out of Fort Wayne, IN | TEL: 260-486-7758

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You are here: Home / Archives for etiquette expert

Teacher Appreciation Week

May 4, 2015 by procourtesy

2014-02-28 13.18.53uca_1
Teacher Appreciation Week
May 4th thru May 8th marks National Teacher Appreciation Week. A time for us to pause and be grateful for the hard work teachers do every day to educate our youngsters.
All of us can probably remember remarkable teachers in our lives. Those teachers who made a huge impact on us in one way or another. Some of what they did was something small, but it stuck with us and made us better people.

Many teachers will never know how they effected a student’s life, but that doesn’t mean they haven’t made a difference for many. I think it’s like that for many of the good things we do for others. We are never sure what the end result of our actions will be, but hopefully, we take comfort in the fact that we tried to make a difference.

Teaching these days seems to be harder than ever, for many reasons. One reason is the lack of support and respect from parents. And that lack of respect and support from parents trickles down to the children…a very sad commentary from my perspective since I have many teachers in my family. My daughter and son-in-law are teachers, along with, a niece and two nephews. I see first hand how hard their jobs are and how devoted to kids they are.

When I was a child in school, my parents insisted that we be respectful of all of our teachers. I am sure that my parents didn’t agree with everything that was done, but they never voiced that to us. They too, were very respectful of our teachers. So, today, when I see parents ranting and raving on social media about their kid’s teachers or openly criticizing them in front of their children I become sad.
Just think of the message this sends to the children.

So this week, take time to pause and honor your children’s teachers. They deserve it and they need it. Some ways to do that are:

Let your children’s teachers know you appreciate them and support them with an email or a note
Send them a small token gift like a gift card for a coffee at their favorite coffee place.
Take them lunch.
Praise them to your children.
Have your children make a thank you card for them.
Support their decisions.
Never, never, criticize them in front of your children.

So let’s hear it for the teachers, this week and every other week too.

Filed Under: Teacher Appreciation Week Tagged With: etiquette expert, honor teachers, Karen Hickman, National teacher Appreciation Week, Professional Courtesy, respecting teachers, Teacher appreciation week, teacher etiquette

Prom Etiquette for Teens

April 30, 2015 by procourtesy

The word PROM printed on clothespin clipped cards in front of defocused glowing lights.

Prom Etiquette for Teens

It is that time of the year again…prom time. It’s the time high school students don their best attire, get a date (or go with a group) and have a formal evening. For some, the most formal event they may ever attend.

The boys usually rent a tuxedo and the girls most likely, purchase a dress that is either long or short, but is very dressy.

Proms may be a little different today, than when I was in high school, but the atmosphere and expectations are probably similar. Regardless, there are some rules of etiquette that should be observed:

Ask your date in person or by calling on the phone. (Yes, you can still really talk on your phone.) Texting or emailing your request is very impersonal and should be avoided.
Respond to the invitation promptly and politely. You don’t want to appear like you are waiting for a better offer.
Know what is expected and stay within your budget. No need to break the bank for one evening. Decide ahead of time, who is sharing in the expenses for the evening.
Be prepared for photo time with parents and family members. And at the prom itself with your friends.
Be appropriate with your attire. If tuxedos are the norm for the young men, you’ll probably need to rent one.
Don’t forget the flowers. Ask what color your date is wearing and choose flowers accordingly. And don’t forget the boutonniere for the gentlemen.
Brush up on your dining etiquette. Most pre-prom activities include dinner out in a restaurant (and gentlemen, leave your jackets on at the table.)
Be attentive to your date. Be sure to dance with your date for the first and last dance.
Be prepared to send hand written thank you notes to parents who host a pre-prom or post prom party.

Filed Under: Prom etiquette Tagged With: dance etiquette, etiquette expert, Karen Hickman, prom etiquette, prom prep

Personal Compliments at Work

April 18, 2015 by procourtesy

catcall-sign-01-600

The recent appearance of “No Cat Calling Zone” signs that have popped up on New York City streets is raising the question about remarking on people’s appearance, especially men to women.The signs are an attempt to draw attention to how that cat calling makes women and men, too, feel. Many feel objectified by those rude comments and some even feel physically threatened.

I think this also opens up another discussion…is it ever okay to offer a personal compliment to a co-worker?

To work in an environment where no one compliments anyone could be a pretty sterile environment. But I do think it is important to be careful about whom you compliment and how you do it. The tone and content of the compliment make all the difference in how it is perceived. Some compliments are loaded with innuendo.

The relationship of the person giving the compliment to the person receiving the compliment is important, as well. A superior complimenting a subordinate on what they are wearing or how they look could be interpreted as harassment or an attempt to diminish the personal authority of the subordinate. Especially, if it is a male superior making the comment to a female subordinate.

However, co-workers who know each other well and have a healthy work relationship probably wouldn’t be damaged or feel threatened by hearing that someone likes their jacket. Regardless of whether the compliment came from a man or a woman.

The compliments and remarks to avoid and that can cause a big ripple at work are the ones that can sound sexist. For instance, the suggestion that someone looks “hot” in something or anything pointed about body parts should be avoided at all costs. What one would say to compliment a date, probably shouldn’t be said to someone at work.

While I don’t think it’s okay for people to make comments just because a woman or man, for that matter, is wearing something sexy. I do think that woman should be cautious about wearing clothes that are too tight, too short, or too low in the work place.

Research tells us that women are judged more severely by what they wear than men, not fair, but it is true. So, that is another reason, women in particular, should be judicious about what they wear to work. Even if no one says anything out loud, sexy clothes at work are distracting for everyone.

So, should you offer a compliment to someone at work on their appearance? It isn’t a black or white answer, but when in doubt, don’t say it out loud. Consider complimenting the person on their work performance and their professional abilities instead.

Filed Under: business etiquette, public courtesy Tagged With: business etiquette, Cat calling, etiquette expert, HR issues, Karen Hickman, No Cat calling Signs, Professional Courtesy, Work compliments, work harassment

Obituary Etiquette

April 17, 2015 by procourtesy

Cemetery Gravestones

Believe it or not, there is obituary etiquette…

Writing an obituary is a very personal task, and those responsible for doing it do have a lot of latitude these days. However, there are some important things to consider. An obituary is a public notice of someone’s death, but it can also be a celebration of one’s life and accomplishments. It becomes their “swan song.” So, there are certain things you’d want to mention.

Include the deceased person’s full name and nicknames if that is how he or she would be remembered by most people. List date of death and the city in which the person died. Some people even list whether the person died in a medical or hospice facility. Listing the cause of death is optional, as are photos of the deceased. But photos are becoming more and more common. Some families put a photo of the person when they were young and a more current photo, as well.

•Listing the date of birth and age is customary. That information can help people reading the obituary put the person in context. However, it is not a requirement.
If the deceased is an adult woman and she has been married more than once, list all of her names throughout the years, including her maiden name.
When listing survivors, include parents, spouses, children, siblings and any other family members who would be important for readers to know about. When listing adult survivors give their full names and the names of their spouses.
The next piece of the obituary would be about the person’s life and accomplishments. This is where you’d list where the person was born and where he or she lived. Note where the person was educated, military service if that is applicable, where the person worked, and the organizations he or she belonged to and any major achievements throughout the person’s life.

•If the person was preceded in death by parents, siblings or children, list those names, too.
Give the details for the funeral or service and viewing times, and any preference for memorials in lieu of flowers. Listing preferred memorials is often a clue as to why the person died if cause of death is not listed.
Do list the name and address of the funeral home. This allows people an option for sending notes of condolence if they are not privy to family’s address.

•Don’t hesitate to seek the help of the funeral director for details and logistical issues for the obituary.

Guidelines and cost may vary from paper to paper, so be sure to check as to what your paper requires.

Filed Under: Obituary etiquette Tagged With: death, etiquette expert, funeral etiquette, Karen Hickman, Obituary etiquette, widowers, widows

Treasured Handwritten Notes

April 14, 2015 by procourtesy

I have always thought that handwritten notes and letters hold a power that cannot be duplicated in an electronic message or even a voice or text message. I like to think that every treasured handwritten note holds some of the writer themselves in it. And there is also a certain romance attached to it. Just think, the note starts with a thought in the writers head and heart and then transfers to their hand holding the pen and then onto the paper…it’s a direct link.

That became very apparent to me when my mother recently shared a letter with me that my grandmother had written to one of my mother’s brothers when he was in the service. The letter was dated January 19, 1935. My mother had been given the letter by one of my cousins, (a daughter of my uncle who received the letter.) My cousin had found the letter among my uncle’s personal things after he had died. She felt that now, after many years of her father being gone, my mom would benefit from having the letter. And my mother did, especially since she had never seen it before.

The letter starts out with:

Dear W., Well it’s going to be pretty hard to write this letter but I am going to do the best I can…..

The letter describes my mother’s little sister becoming sick and dying at home in just a few days of becoming ill. She was 5 I think, and my mother was about 7. The letter goes on for many pages to describe in detail the events of those very sad days.

I always knew my mother had lost a sister when both of them were very young, but it was just a moment in time that didn’t mean much to me. I assumed it had been a sad time, but never heard it talked about very much. They never really knew what her cause of death was, she was sick one or two days with a fever. The doctor was coming to the house to care for her, but nothing helped. And then she was gone. Probably not too unusual in those days.

My mother came from a family of 11. A large family that produced 30 plus grand kids for my grand parents. While I loved my grand parents, the grand kids did not get a lot of individual attention. There wasn’t time, but we didn’t feel neglected. It was just the way it was. So, getting to know my grandparents the way many grand kids do today, especially with smaller families, didn’t happen. However, this letter gave an insight to my grandmother that I had never known. My grandmother always seemed old to me, even though she was only in her early 70’s when she died.(Funny how that age seems younger and younger the older I get.) I had a hard time imagining her as a young mother who had lost a child.

As any parent will tell you, the thought of losing a child is almost unbearable to think about. And the worst had happened to my grandparents. Reading those pages, in my grandmother’s handwriting, connected me to her in a very special way. I could almost see her sitting at her kitchen table writing on lined note paper describing the heart break that she must have felt. I can now feel what she must of felt even more, because I have become a mother and a grandmother. How grateful I am that someone in the family saved that letter. It is a treasured handwritten note.

April is National Card and Letter Writing Month. Get out your pen and paper and gift someone you care about with a handwritten card or letter. It may just become a treasure for them.

Here are some of my favorite writing materials.
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Filed Under: handwritten notes Tagged With: etiquette expert, handwritten notes, Karen Hickman, National Card and letter Writing Month, stationery

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Business Email Etiquette                                                                                      The number of emails we all receive every day can be overwhelming, but they are a fact of life. Keeping that in mind, try to observe some of the basic email etiquette rules for emailing within the business world. Your email message may … Read More

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