Professional Courtesy, LLC

Karen Hickman specializes in Etiquette and Protocol Consulting and is based out of Fort Wayne, IN | TEL: 260-486-7758

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You are here: Home / Archives for loss

Loss and the Holidays

December 13, 2021 by procourtesy

Loss and the holidays

There’s no good time

to have a loved one ill or pass away, but the holiday time does seem to raise the emotional level for those dealing with a tough situation. And because of that, I think it’s important to treat those friends and family members with care.

Acknowledging the situation,

with a note or a card is the least invasive way to respond. It lets your friends know you are thinking of them, but doesn’t require a response from them. Just a note as simple as, “thinking of you at this difficult time” is adequate.

When you see the people in person,

let them lead the conversation. They may not wish to discuss their situation with lots of people or it may just be too emotional to talk about it…respect that and don’t ask a lot of questions. It’s okay to let them know you know about their loved one with again, something as simple as, “ I am thinking of you.” If they want to talk more they will do so. To not mention it can make you seem insensitive or not caring.

Offer help in specific ways. Ask if they could use some food or if you could run some errands for them instead of saying, “call if you need something.” Most people won’t call you and they don’t want another thing to do. If you are taking food, ask what they prefer. Sending a lot of desserts to people who don’t eat sweets isn’t very helpful. Making food that can be popped into the freezer can also be a huge help.

Be mindful of the “firsts.”

The first Christmas, the first birthday or the first anniversary without a loved one can be very difficult. And the yearly anniversary of losing someone is often an emotional day. Remembering these days with something as simple as a text message saying, “you’re remembering their loved one and them,” will mean a great deal. Consider making a note in your phone contacts with the special dates behind your friends name. It will then remind you when getting close to those days.

If you are sending out holiday cards,

your usual cheery letter about how great your year has been may not be what they want to hear. Consider sending something special and specific for them with a short note in it.

Do include the friends

who are grieving in invitations, but don’t push or be critical if they back out at the last minute. Grief is a day to day thing that can keep one off balance for some time. And if they do come, allow them to be sad or even teary. The last thing they need is people expecting them to be “cheery.” Remember, loss at the holidays is a very difficult time.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: etiquette expert, grieving during the holidays, how to help friends who are grieving, Karen Hickman, loss, loss and the holidays, Professional Courtesy

Survey for Grief Book

January 21, 2014 by procourtesy

Survey for Grief Book

I am doing research for a book that I am writing on dealing with grief and the etiquette that goes with it. I’d appreciate your comments to the questions listed below. Feel free to answer as many or as few as you’d like. Also, feel free to add more comments separately. 

If you think of any other questions that you feel would be of value, please share those, too.

To respect your privacy feel free to email me your comments directly at karen.hickman@p/ The identity of anyone replying will be protected using a pseudonym and or changing details to protect your privacy. 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on a difficult subject. My goal in writing this book is to enlighten people on the best ways they can help friends and loved ones when they are experiencing loss in their lives.

1. If you have lost a loved one, what was your relationship to the deceased; a spouse, parent, child, sibling, grandparent or friend

2. How long has it been since your loved one died?

3. Was their death sudden or after a long illness? If sudden, what was the worst part for you?

 4. If they had an illness of any length, were you able to care for your loved at home?

 5. If you kept your loved one at home, did you have help? If yes, who?

 6. Did your loved one die in the hospital or another medical facility? If so, were the needs of your loved one met?

 7. Did the staff demonstrate compassion toward your loved one and your family?

 8. Did your family member’s physician and/or staff acknowledge the death of your loved one with a note or a funeral home visit?

 9. If yes, were you appreciative?

10. Has the grief process been more difficult than you had imagined?

11. Was there a point in time when you felt a shift and lessening of your grief? If so, how long after your loved one died was it?

12. Who were the most supportive people to you after your loved one died? What were the most helpful things people did for you

13. Who were the least helpful? Why?

14. What were some of the most surprising things people said to you after the death of your loved one?

15. What questions did you dislike answering.

16. Did you seek counseling? Was it a group or private counseling?

17. Was your counseling helpful?

18. Were there any particular books on grief related topics that you found helpful? If so, which ones?

19. Was there anything in particular that helped ease your pain? For instance, certain rituals, meditation, wearing an article of clothing of your loved one, etc.

20. If there was one piece of advice that you would give someone who is new to the grief process, what would it be?

Filed Under: Grief etiquette Tagged With: etiquette expert, funeral etiquette, grief, hospice, Hospitals, illness, loss, loss of a loved one, mourning, survey, sympathy notes

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Founded in 1999, the mission of Professional Courtesy and Karen Hickman is to present programs of the finest quality with the highest degree of professionalism.

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