manners Archives - Professional Courtesy, LLC

Teach Respect and Give Respect

May 12, 2014 by procourtesy

Give Respect to Earn Respect words on a button to show the cycle of winning reverence, honor and trust of others

Teach Respect and Give Respect
I am always disappointed when I read snarky, rude responses and comments on social media sites. I think it is bad form and unprofessional. There are ways to comment and disagree without vulgar language and insulting tirades. The old maxim, “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all,” is worth considering before you post a response that is public and has the power to come back and bite you. But there is nothing more distressing for me, as an etiquette and protocol consultant, than to see this bad behavior coming from other people who consider themselves professionals in our industry.

I have noticed over the past months, with the increase in organized groups on LinkedIn for etiquette trainers that there is a distinct lack of civility in responses from some who comment in some of those groups; something I think is quite distressing, especially for people who are suppose to be teaching others how to be more civilized.

Certainly, not all of the responders are to blame, but I do have trouble with other etiquette trainers calling people out in a rude fashion who have posted something they don’t agree with, especially when it is some point of minutia.

Since the rules of etiquette are suppose to be rooted in consideration for others, I find it difficult to tolerate those who would berate someone because they don’t agree with where they put the napkin when they leave the table temporarily. It is the kind of thing that gives etiquette trainers a bad name- suggesting that we focus on the rule and not the reason behind it. I think those of us who were well trained by reputable organizations, can agree to disagree, on a few points based on where we live and the cultures in which we teach. There are differences to be sure.

When I teach dining etiquette to any group I often say,”if you used the right fork, but were rude to the wait staff, you’ve missed my message.” It’s not about the fork!

So, here are some of my tips for people in our industry to make us more civilized and diplomatic:

Disagree diplomatically anytime, but especially on social media.

Be happy for other people’s successes in our industry.
Make friends with your competition. There is enough business out there for all of us.
If people share your info on social media, share theirs in return.
Find out who’s out there doing what you do. Networking is a good thing in any arena.
Give credit where credit is due.

But most of all, practice what we preach. Let’s get over ourselves, stop the pretense and exhibit some civility toward one another. If you can’t and don’t, I question whether you should call yourself a professional and whether you should align yourself with some of the other fine people out there doing some great things in our industry.

As for me commenting and joining those groups, I have stopped joining them and commenting…not because I don’t admire some of the people who have started the groups, but because I don’t want to be associated with some of those who comment in a way that I don’t admire.

Today, starts the beginning of National Etiquette Week so, let’s all get on board and demonstrate what we say we are all about.

Resolve to be Civil in 2014

January 6, 2014 by procourtesy

Resolve to be Civil in 2014

Are you the kind who makes New Years resolutions? If so, I’d like to challenge you to be more civil in every aspect of your life. It seems that civility has gone out of style and many of us need to be reminded as to what that means.

Civility is an important frame-work of our society. Without it, we all seem to run a muck and treat each other poorly. The rules of etiquette tell us how to treat each other. It isn’t about pretense; it’s about consideration for others.

As I review some of the posts on social media and in the news, of people being out right mean toward others, I become very sad. When did it become okay to call a beautiful women “fat” because she has held onto a few pounds after having a baby. Or how about those who feel they have the right to insult others because they hold an opposing view on politics, religion or any other social, hot topic.

So in 2014 consider some of these resolutions:

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.
Talk to people, not about them.
Be kind, it costs very little.
Do more than your share at work.
Be positive. No one likes to work with, or be around negative people.
Find the good in everybody.
Be grateful for something in your life everyday.
Treasure your friends and loved ones.
Volunteer somewhere, regardless of how busy you are.
Respect the opinions of others, even if they differ from yours.
Listen more, talk less.

We have heard many of these points from the time we were very young, but sometimes, in a cynical world, we forget how important they are.

In so many of my seminars people tell me that what I teach is really just common sense…yes, it is. The trouble with common sense is that it is not always very common.

So, I too, will join you in working on this list of resolutions.

Happy 2014.

Intimidating Professions

May 19, 2010 by procourtesy

I attended my high school class reunion a couple of years ago with two of my best friends. We grew up together and our friendships’ go back to grade school days—a special gift. Each of us chose different educational paths: one became a psychologist, one a bible study leader and I, a former nurse, turned etiquette consultant.

When we arrived at the party and people asked what we were all doing these days we laughed as people looked a little intimidated. I am not sure if they thought the psychologist was going to analyze them, the bible study leader was going to hear their confession or I was going to judge them on their manners. Of course, none of that was the case, but it was hard to miss the initial reactions people had toward our particular professions.
As an etiquette consultant, there are times when I feel like I can clear a table when I tell people what I do for a living. For some reason, people become self-conscious about their manners and social skills when they first meet me. Some even feel the need to apologize for their lack of knowledge.
However, I was not born an etiquette expert. I grew up in, and still live in, the Midwest with middle-class parents. There was no silver spoon, but I was taught to be respectful to all and well mannered at the table. Also, I attended Catholic schools and was taught by good sisters at a time when discipline was emphasized and enforced in schools.
I don’t always look like an etiquette consultant or eat at a table set for multiple courses. I get down and dirty when I work in my yard and even stand and eat over the sink when I’m in a hurry. I love my sweats and put my feet on my coffee table. However, I do know it is important to suit up for a business event and send handwritten thank you notes. I feel comfortable at a seven-course meal or entertaining high-ranking guests. That comfort level has come with years of learning what is required for each situation.
I am often asked why I went into the etiquette business and my answer is simple: I think being well mannered is as important as it is powerful. As the world gets crazier, less civilized, more technically linked and less personally linked, good manners can become a real mark of distinction.
So many people put the emphasis of good manners on the fork. It is not just about the fork! It’s about consideration for others. When that becomes your motivation for what you do you will probably always be perceived in a favorable way by those around you. Keep in mind that there are several levels of manners. I like to break in down to three levels:
• Very formal situations
• Business situations
• Personal or family situations

All require being considerate of others, but you probably will not be having a seven-course dinner on Friday night while watching a movie with your family. The important thing is to know what level is needed when and where.
Do people have an unusual response to your profession? I’d love to hear about it.
Etiquette consultants…what do you tell people you do for a living?

Teach Respect and Give Respect

Resolve to be Civil in 2014

Intimidating Professions

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