Visiting New Mothers and Baby Etiquette
With the recent birth of the new Princess Charlotte Elizabeth Diana, the world is focused on babies… and rightfully so. But it’s also a time to brush up on visiting new mothers and baby etiquette.
Who can resist a baby? They make us smile and seem to bring a sense of hope for the future and they complete the circle of life within a family. I can still remember what a special time it was when my own daughter was born, nearly forty years ago. And that sense of hope and joy for me, was repeated when my granddaughter was born. But with new babies come a lot of changes in a family’s life. If it is the first child, life as you knew it, before the birth, will never be the same. However, the trade off is worth it.
As a former nurse and at the time I delivered my daughter I have seen the once rigid rules for visitation in the labor and delivery room and postpartum, greatly relaxed. Father’s weren’t even allowed in the delivery room when I first started in nursing. And no one was allowed on the floor to visit mothers if the babies were out of the nursery with the mothers.
In some ways those changes are good… fathers are now active participants in the whole birthing process. And many grandparents are present as well as siblings. Videos of the birth are made of the process that was once veiled in secrecy. These videos are now available for the world to see. However, the down side is, seemingly anyone, whether you want them or not, can pop in while you are busy working to deliver that baby or appear shortly after the birth with half the neighborhood in tow.
Mothers are kept such a short time in the hospital these days that it may be better to make a visit to see that new baby after everyone is home and settled for a few days. New babies require a lot of work and sometimes parents feel like they will never get back into a normal routine again. In short, parents are tired. And entertaining is not at the top of their list.
So, before you make the visit to see that new bundle of joy consider a few things first…
Call and see when would be a good time to make a visit. Don’t show up unannounced, make sure your visit is brief, you don’t come empty handed or expect to be waited on or entertained.
Make sure you are well and everyone with you is well before visiting. When you arrive, don’t pick up the baby unless you have been invited to do so and be sure to wash your hands first, if you have been invited to hold the baby.
Don’t offer your advice to the mother on how things should be done. Especially, if it has been a long time since you have delivered a baby. You’d be surprised how things have changed. And if the mother does ask for advice, be careful not to offer too much. That’s what the Pediatricians are for.
Don’t try to one up the mother’s labor and delivery experience with details of your own. Everyone’s experience is different and most people don’t want to hear the details of your delivery or share the details of theirs, anyway. That’s called too much information!
Don’t criticize the name regardless, of what it is. Be gracious with your response to it. Naming your children is a very personal decision. And the name parents choose is usually one they love. So, to make curt remarks or disapproving facial expressions is an insult to the parents.
Do be respectful if the mother is breast feeding. Ask if she would like you to leave the room if it is feeding time. Also, in spite of the fact that women are more relaxed these days with breast feeding in front of others, it is important for the mother to consider whether the visitors are comfortable being present for the feeding. Always ask if anyone minds if you feed the baby in front of them.
Do remember the big brother and sister with a small gift when gifting the new baby. Many siblings have a hard time adjusting to the new competition in their lives. And do make a fuss over them, too.
Your baby doesn’t have to be a royal to be special. All babies are special.
Such great suggestions Karen. A promised ten minute visit can easily stretch into an hour.
As a Labor & Delivery/Postpartum nurse for 10 years, I have to say I agree with most of your article. Except, the part about “don’t show up empty handed.” A person can call to offer to bring something they need, like food or drinks. I believe multiple people should not bring flowers, balloons, & baby items (especially big ones!) The reason is because the couple has to haul all that stuff home along with baby and their own personal items. Many times I have seen couples bring suitcases to their hospital room. There needs to be a way to communicate for visitors not to bring extra stuff to hospital. If the visitors must bring it, bring it to their home. Please!!! Nurses & techs don’t have time to be Bell Hops to bring a hoard of patient stuff to their car. Guess what?! The couple never thinks to ask family members to help them load up their stuff in the car. 90% of the time!
I hope this topic is considered. Thank you.
Thank you sharing your thoughts. I appreciate your view on this topic. You have made a good point.